How I Met Your Parents
by EllieMJayx
Summary: Agent Phil Coulson sits down to talk with his fanclub, made up of five very special kids. He tells them of their parents and all of their wonderful, crazy adventures, even of their greatest adventure of all. Pairings are Clintasha, Pepperony, Steve/Maria, Thor/Jane, Bruce/Darcy and I guess Phil/Team.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Avengers, or Marvel. (Though I really wish I did). I do own all of The Avengers Children though, mwahahaha! Reviews welcome!**

Today was the day of Prince Theodore Haakon Thorson's formal introduction to the realm of Asgard. At almost 4 years old Theo had spent the majority of his short life on Midgard, or Earth to give it the name his Mother addressed it by, he'd only visited the land of his Father a few times and on those occasions he was only greeted by his Grandparents, the great Odin and Frigga, his Uncle Loki and his Father's friends The Warrior's Three and Lady Sif, never before had he met with the rest of the Kingdom, until now.

"Theo, please stop squirming." His Mother pleaded as she made an effort to tame his shoulder length, golden hair with a brush.

His Grandmother chuckled. "Ah dear Jane, Theo is much like his Father. Thor too never had much patience for presentation in his youth."

Jane giggled and lay the brush down on the grand dresser, finally satisfied with her work.

"Now can I see my friends Mama, please?!"Theo begged gazing up at her with eyes so much like his Father's.

Jane nodded and looked on as her Son charged out of the room and down the hallway.

* * *

"Oomph" He encountered his Uncle on the stairs.

"Why such great haste, dear Nephew?" Loki asked bending down to Theo's height and brushing him down as best he could.

"Uncle Loki, do you know where my friends are?" He asked excitedly, bouncing slightly on his feet.

"They're waiting for you in the Great Hall, I believe." Loki replied, ruffling the boy's hair with affection. "Oops, don't tell your Mother I ruined your lovely hair, she'd certainly not be pleased."

"It's okay Uncle Loki, I can keep a secret!" Theo grinned, hugging his Uncle briefly before heading for the Great Hall.

* * *

"Theodore you look ridiculous!" Aaron Stark announced the moment he caught sight of his friend.

James Rogers elbowed him in the ribs "Be nice Aaron! Or I'll tell your Mummy what you said."

Aaron stuck his tongue out playfully, "Don't be such a spoilsport Jamie!"

Anastasia Barton giggled "Aaron may have a point, do you all wear capes here in Asgard?"

Theo shrugged "I think so; Dad and Uncle Loki always wear them anyway. And Grandpa Odin. What do you think Max?"

Maxine Banner looked up from the jigsaw she was working on and reached over the table for the metal body armour that Theo was wearing. A bolt of electricity quickly zapped between the chest plate and her finger.

"Cool," She said, pleased with herself.

Aaron crossed his arms. "I thought Uncle Bruce said you couldn't use your powers whilst we're here."

Max shrugged, tossing her jet black curls over her shoulder. "Mummy says if you've got it, flaunt it. And maybe I wanted to pretend it was like the first time Mummy met Uncle Thor and she used her Taser on him."

Theo laughs, knowing that story all too well. "And my Mum hitting Dad with her car."

"And when he tries to take back Mjolnir, and beats all of the SHIELD agents!" Ana adds with enthusiasm, her Dad telling that story was the best. Well he did have the bird's eye view of everything.

"Oh I like the one where Uncle Thor and Uncle Tony are fighting in the woods!" James pipes up, "And then my Dad comes along and tells them to stop, and Uncle Thor puts his hammer down on my Dad's shield and everything goes BOOM, WHOOSH!"

They all fall about laughing, doubling over when their sides start to ache.

"I hope we can be as awesome as our Mums and Dads." James says, as soon as the laughter has died down.

"Are you kidding?" Aaron asks, putting an arm round his friend's shoulders. "We're gonna be so awesome, we'll break the awesome-meter!"

"You already have." came a voice, from the doorway.

"UNCLE PHIL!"


	2. Well It All Began

"Hey kids!" Phil said as they ran at him, attacking him with their hugs.

"Uncle Phil, I didn't know you were coming!" Theo yelled, beaming wildly.

Phil ruffled the young boy's hair. "Your Parents invited me, I couldn't say no, could I?"

"Uncle Phil, will you play with us?" James asked, glancing up at him with his big blue eyes so like his Mother and Father's.

"Actually I was thinking I could tell you a story."

"A story?" Ana asked climbing onto his lap, "What story?"

He paused for a moment, not wanting to give too much of the tale, he was about to tell, away. "Well it's a story about your parents."

"We've heard all of the best stories about our Mommy's and Daddy's!" Aaron insisted, interrupting the man.

"Not this one you haven't."

"What's it about?" Maxine asked, competing with Ana for lap space.

He smiled knowingly, working on balancing the two little girls as the boys arranged themselves around him.

"Well it all began about four years ago…"

* * *

"Coulson, Hill; do you copy?" Fury's voice was urgent over the radio.

"Yeah, we copy." Maria's reply was quick, and she looked directly into his eyes as she spoke as if looking for confirmation that she was okay.

"And the situation?"

"I gotta be honest sir; it's not looking good." She paused momentarily, firing her gun at the advancing enemy, which this week just so happened to be a series of robotic ninjas.

She knelt down beside him again, gun clasped tightly in her hand just as his was. "I just don't understand where they're all coming from."

All of a sudden they heard an almighty roar and The Hulk smashed through the wall and raged past, knocking metal warriors clear across the room.

Within a matter of seconds the other Avengers had joined him, a flash of gold and metallic red as Iron Man burst out into the line of fire, Natasha, Clint and Thor behind him, Steve's priority being the wounded and dazed. Maria and Phil made their way to help him, keeping Fury updated at all times. The director was currently out of the country and that left Maria in charge. A year or so prior and Hill would have never called upon the Avengers for help unless the situation was completely hopeless, but after starting a relationship with Captain Rogers, she seemed to trust the team a bit more. Well most of the team, Stark still managed to frustrate and infuriate her on at least a weekly basis, but he did that to everyone.

After half an hour of further battling, the situation was neutralised and the team retired to their cabins.

* * *

_(Cue the first interruption)_

"Uncle Phil, you missed out all of the good stuff!" Aaron whined, leaning back until he was lying flat on the table.

"The good stuff?"

"Yeah all of the fighting and stuff!" Max said, mimicking her Aunt Natasha's famous fight moves.

Phil sighed slightly then smiled, "Well that's not the main part of the story, but basically there was some serious butt kicking."

The children giggled and allowed their favourite Uncle to continue.

* * *

"I don't understand it!" Maria mumbled, collapsing back onto her bed in exhaustion. "That's the sixth attack in only two weeks! Where are they all coming from?!"

Steve could only grunt in response, though the fight had been short and relatively easy, the high number of attacks in such a short period of time were starting to take its toll.

Maria pushed herself up onto her elbows and stared at him, "You should rest. We both should."

"There's a clean-up to be done…"

"I'm willing to let it wait for an hour or two." She sighed and patted the bed, giving a weak smile when he gave in and sat by her. "And the base will probably just be destroyed again, next week."

"And we have no knowledge of any possible reason for them to attack."

Maria groaned and let her head fall onto his chest, muttering curse words into his shirt. Upon his arrival in the modern day Steve would have been shocked by so much bad language, and horrified to hear them coming from such a beautiful dame. But watching Maria and Natasha and indeed Pepper, Jane and Darcy he couldn't really be surprised anymore, the swearing was a stress release and even he'd let the odd word or two slip out now.

…..

"It's like they're after something!" Tony complained into the phone as he put his suit back into storage, for now at least. "But nobody has a clue what, as far as I know SHIELD hasn't pissed off anyone particularly nasty recently."

He drove his hand into a bag of blueberries and chewed as Pepper gave her reply.

"I'd never thought I say this but maybe it's time you got Jarvis to check out their systems."

"Already on it, under instruction from Acting Director Hill actually. She's all for SHIELD keeping secrets from us usually, but I guess too many agents have come in to harm, for her liking, recently. Either that or Rogers is turning her soft."

Pepper snorted, "I don't think even Captain America is capable of that, certainly not for the work image she has."

Tony had to agree; on the rare times when Maria was off duty, she could be rather fun, but when that SHIELD uniform was on she could be a total bitch, but he'd come to understand that the attitude went with the job description.

"Yeah well, maybe when you get home tomorrow, we should insist on a gathering at the tower. Give everyone the opportunity to, you know, refresh a bit, and we never did have that engagement party."

Pepper giggled and glanced down at the ring on her finger, the diamonds catching the light. "We didn't have it because you were going to insist on strippers and having the pools filled with champagne."

"It's still a good idea if you ask me."

"Mmm, course it is. I have to go now. I'll call you when my flight gets in okay?"

"Okay, love you Pep."

She smiled. "I love you too, so please try not to get killed."

Tony laughed and she hung up. That was always the way their phone calls came to an end.

* * *

_(Cue second interruption)_

"Uncle Phil is there going to be ANY butt kicking in this story?" Theo asked, running his hand through his blonde hair and promptly destroying the hairstyle his Mother had spent time on earlier.

Phil nodded. "Indeed there is little Theo, and a lot of comes from all of your Mum's getting narked with your Father's."

The children smiled excitedly at that, whilst family fights were never supposed to be a good thing, it always seemed funny to the kids whenever their Mommy's gave as good as they got.

James grinned, "Okay, please continue Uncle Phil."

"Actually, that will have to wait until later my dear nephew." The booming voice that broke into the room causing everyone to jump slightly.

"Daddy!" Theo yelled, leaping up and charging at the man.

**Thank you to all of my wonderful readers, followers, favouriters and reviewers! I love you all! I will have Aaron, Theo, James, Ana and Maxine make you some cookies. Phil will have to supervise of course. Much like their Father's with the lab, Aaron and Maxine have a tendency to blow things up. XD **


End file.
